“Angel, Good Girl, Goody-Two-Shoes, Holier-Than-Thou”
I currently go to a university in a completely different part of the country from which I grew up, so many of my newly found friends in college only know the present part of my life. They don’t know about where I came from; just where I’m at. This is not because I am hiding my past. It just has not come up in conversation much. So, I sometimes get the stigma of being something I’m not. Yes, I am a practicing Christian and I have proudly made the pledge to abstinence…
…but once upon a time…
…things were different.
At an extremely young age, I made a lot of dumb decisions, had a lot of reckless fun, and ended up regretting it all. I partied, experienced the inside of a club way before I was legal, hung out late getting into things I had no business getting into, mingled with all types of very attractive guys, and am familiar with the taste of alcohol. So, I feel like I have pretty much “been there done that.” Therefore, now I don’t have the urge to go out every single weekend. I have no desire to date every guy I find attractive. I certainly don’t want to go someplace where everyone only wants to drink until they can’t stand up without their friend propping them up. I got my taste of freedom and rebellious fun long ago, and I am over that stage in my life. While in college….I want to actually focus on, guess what, my classes! Unfortunately, that is why people began attaching labels to my name.
This can be troublesome when those same people begin learning there is more to me than meets the eye. It is sometimes a battle to be myself, because I feel I will disappoint the ones who thought so highly of me. Don’t get me wrong, I do have my close friends who understand I have an alter ego (Tookie Carter) who sometimes like to make guest appearances, but my peers that don’t know me well will give judgmental looks and sly comments when they see me out at a party enjoying myself or letting my hair down every once and a while.
I can only hope that as the years unfold and the depths of my character and personality are revealed, I will not be looked down upon.