“Similar ways, similar game. Starting to feel the similar pain. Are you sure we haven’t met before? I know ya face, I know ya name. But I don’t know you? Isn’t that crazy? Isn’t that crazy? I think we may be in a different book, on a different page. You said you are different. But you’re the same…..stranger.” -Jhene Aiko
Another reason why I’m happily single: I am tired of meeting the same guy.
The best part of meeting someone new is the very beginning when nothing is too serious. Its just a fun time getting to know someone especially when you two have chemistry and can make each other laugh. The beginning is full of butterfly filled stomachs and kool-aid smiles every time a new text or call comes from that special someone.There is nothing like the exciting feeling of a fresh start! It is as if everything you went through in your past relationships meant nothing. All the hurt, the pain, the disappointment. All that is null and void, because of this latest opportunity to fall in love all over again.
That is…until you start uncovering the real them.
I know I have left your guys on eggshells about my crush, so it is time I fill you in on what has happened. My crush was my fresh start. He was everything all the guys from my past weren’t. Although I was not looking to start a new relationship just yet, I had a genuine interest in him, because he seemed to embody all the characteristics I found valuable in a guy. He is a practicing Christian, a determined scholar, and he has respect for women. Do not even get me started with his looks! He is taller than me, which is a big deal, because I refuse to date a guy shorter than me. He has an athletic build, and everything about him screams perfect catch!
He and I were starting to talk almost everyday, and we even hung out a few times. He walked me back to my dorm at night, and he always gave me his undivided attention whenever we were having a conversation. Everything was going amazing. We had an undeniable chemistry between us…….but then the real him started to come out.
He has canceled plans with me almost three times, because either something came up or he fell asleep. One day I was feeling especially emotional and I finally admitted it to myself. I like this guy! I keep a wall up to prevent myself from falling for someone who is only going to be in my life temporarily, but I was ready to begin to tear down that wall for him brick by brick. Coincidentally, we were supposed to hang out that same night. I finished my studying early and told my friends I would not be able to have dinner with them that night just so I would be available. Its hard to find extra time for someone when you’re in college, but for him, it was nothing to rearrange some things in my schedule. So, I did. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. But as the night grew older and my phone was in lack of any calls or texts from him I realized I was about to take down my emotional wall for the wrong person.
He didn’t stand me up. He had fell asleep from being exhausted from work and school, and that is completely understandable. He apologized but something was off with how I was feeling towards him at that point. I wasn’t hurt. I wasn’t angry. I was disappointed. But wait. This disappointment…..? It feels so familiar…….oh I remember now. Its the same disappointment I felt every time my ex would blow me off or cancel our plans when we were supposed to do something together that day after I was already excited about seeing him. Oh, now I get it.
I know what you’re probably thinking. It was an accident, and I completely agree, but accidents do not happen multiple times in a row. With my ex, all his excuses started off as accidents, but now looking at how he reacts with others…….he just didn’t care about my feelings that much. He would bend over backwards to be there for his friends and even other girls, but for me? He fell asleep, or he was too busy, or he had to do something around the house. Excuse after excuse. So, I know the pattern. My crush has already stood me up three times, and I’m over it.
Welp, that was fun while it lasted. I mean, I wasn’t looking for a relationship in the first place, but having a little boo thing? Yeah, that sounds like fun right? Nope. Naw, I’m good. I need to figure somethings out. Alone.
Why do I keep dating the same guy?! I mean it makes sense that I would find myself talking to similar guys cause my taste is…well…my taste. I’m attracted to what I’m attracted to. So this leads me to believe that the problem is me. I’m the greatest common denominator in this equation of love. I say what I hate, but obviously that’s what I’m attracted to. Every guy I talk to is the same drink in a different glass. That’s why I am avoiding relationships and am so content with being single. I am waiting for God to place a man in my life that wont treat me the way I have been treated in the past. I make terrible judgment calls when it comes to guys, and only God knows what is best for me. So….I am taking my hands off the wheel when it comes to my dating life. God, have your way.