Why Do “We Love People That Hurt Us?”

“Why you never know how it feel to be lonely?
Why I feel I’m the last option after your homies?” ~Kendrick Lamar

As I begin to listen to the lyrics of, “Opposites Attract,” by Kendrick Lamar I can’t help but think “Finally! Somebody gets it!” For those who have never heard the song before, I am attaching it to this post. It starts off with a guy questioning his girlfriend for simply being a good girlfriend. Weird right? But it hits too close to home for me, because my ex used to ask me some of those same questions. I used to think, why doesn’t he get it? Why is he confused about me giving so much to him? Didn’t he hear me when I said I loved him? Those weren’t just words. They were a signal of me letting down my guard completely for the first time in my life in order to finally experience true love.

My ex used to always act as if he didn’t deserve the things I did for him. He would say, “Out of all these guys out here, why me?” This was very confusing for me, but I always just brushed it off as nothing. I answered his questions by simply saying, I love you that’s why. You might not be perfect, but those other guys don’t matter to me cause all I see is you. Looking back, those questions of his should have been a red flag.

My ex is a great person at heart, and he did deserve that type of love from a woman. However, the fact that he had to question it just showed that he was not ready for it just yet. I believe you gotta let everyone go through a phase where they are boy/girl crazy and they are living the single life and they are playing the dating games. That is fine, but I was past that point when I had met him. I was done playing games (and believe me I know how to play the game). I had dated my fair share of guys, and I was at the point where I wanted something real. I wanted something that was solid and could be long-term, but he just wasn’t ready for that. Although, I couldn’t see it then, its so clear to me now.

At the end of the song during the poem, the guy states, “So instead of admitting that she has made another mistake, she stays.” This is pretty much what happened. I had reached a point of seeing that this was not what I wanted, but I was tired of playing the field. I just wanted somebody to call on when I’m feeling lonely or scared or if I just wanted to go out on a date night. I was not ready to go back to being single or to join the dating world. I knew what it had to offer-nothing. So instead of calling it quits even when that relationship was draining the life out of me I stayed, because I was afraid of letting it go.

It had to be the dumbest thing I have ever done.

I felt like that relationship was a leach to my life. I would give my lasts! ….and recieve nothing in return. I would be there to stand by his side whenever he faced adversity and I was there to pull him up when he felt like he was at a low point in life. But whenever I needed that same support in return….I rarely got it. I used to hold a grudge against him and be really bitter about the situation, but I’ve forgiven him, owned up to the part I played in everything, and moved on with my life.

After our break-up I learned so many things including:

  • You can’t force a guy to grow-up. He has to experience life and become a man in his own time. Until then, don’t try to make him fit a role he is not ready for.
  • You can’t hold on to a relationship that was never meant to be in the first place.
  • I do not need a guy to call on when I’m feeling lonely or sad or anything else, because I’ve got wonderful friends that would come to my rescue faster than any guy I know. Most importantly, I’ve got God. He can do way more for me than any human being.
  • The single life is actually pretty fun! I’ve never loved being single so much until now.  I can flirt and then go on about my business, I have nobody to answer to, I can leave the country without feeling like I’m leaving anybody behind, etc. etc. Its GREAT !

So to wrap up, I would encourage all of my readers to do what’s best for them in terms of their relationship. Assess it for what it is, and if you feel like you are loving someone that’s hurting you then you need to let it go. I know it hurts, but trust me you’ll be much happier in the long run! If you’re feeling stuck in a relationship or if you just want advice then please don’t hesitate to contact me via my contact tab at the top. I’ve been there. I left out a lot of details to spare his identity, but trust me….I’ve definitely experienced some of the worst pain in terms of love. But there is always a light at the end of a long dark tunnel…

***For the people who know me personally: It is important to note that I am referring to the first verse of the song. I do not relate to the second verse besides the quote stated above***

About Juaquina Carter

Poet | Public Speaker | Photographer For Inquires: Juaquina.Carter@gmail.com
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4 Responses to Why Do “We Love People That Hurt Us?”

  1. India says:

    Omg Kena ! THIS IS LIFE lol

  2. drippingrose says:

    Yo! Girl, these posts are HOT. When you said this,

    “However, the fact that he had to question it just showed that he was not ready for it just yet.”


    But no seriously, this was real, and so true. The way you look back at your ex applies to females too. And don’t we do this to God all the time. We’re like, “Oh, but I don’t deserve this. Why of all the billions of people in the world to you love me?” And He’s just like, “Because I do. Don’t worry about them when all I’m focused on right now is you.”

    Keep doin your thing.

    • Aww thanx sooo much girl! This really means a lot to me! Getting feedback like this just assures me that I am not writing in vain and people actually enjoy my post. I can’t wait to read your blog once you get it up and running! =)

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