alfani_three-button_black_pinstripe_suitSo there is this guy right…

Well, he isn’t really a guy. He is just a friend. We are just friends. But I can’t help but notice that he possesses everything I would like in a husband. Every standard I have for guys that people used to tell me were unreasonable are all characteristics of him. That is why his name is ‘Husband Material,’ (H.M. for short).

The strange thing is….I don’t have a crush on him. I mean…I don’t think I do. I respect who he is and what he represents, but I am not sure if I want more than a friendship with him. I mean don’t get me wrong, he is an open-minded and practicing Christian, he is actively pursuing his career despite the difficulties life throws his way, he has an amazing personality that is both welcoming and respectful, and, not to mention, he is very easy on the eyes. I just…I don’t know. I don’t have many guy friends that I can actually trust and depend on or know that they truly have my best interest at heart. But he has always been there to support me when I needed him the most, to listen when I just knew the world was falling to pieces, to protect me from creeps, and just make me and everyone around him laugh. So, the most important thing to me is our friendship. I guess that is why I just don’t want to see him as anything besides a friend.

I know, it must sound very foolish to friend zone the only person I know that is husband material, but I’m not necessarily friend-zoning him. It is mutual. And if you only knew how far I’ve come with broken friendships, you would understand my desire to have genuine people around me. I don’t want to mess that up.

Sometimes it’s good to just…be friends. Right?

About Juaquina Carter

Poet | Public Speaker | Photographer For Inquires: Juaquina.Carter@gmail.com
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9 Responses to H.M.

  1. jb says:

    Yes, having a great friend is marvelous. My Dad used to say, if you have one real friend then you could consider yourself lucky. But, I submit, that friendship is the best way to start a great romantic relationship. A risk? Yes, but I speak from a position of knowledge. I was in your position once, I had a beautiful lady who was my close friend. She went through other failed romantic relationships with me as I did with her. I looked up after three years and realized this is a great person. Like you, I didn’t want to mess up a great friendship but decided, during a period when we were both single, I better take the chance at possible happiness. Long story, a little less long…..it worked. July will be 20yrs of happy marriage and a son of unimaginable beauty. I have not known others many to have the level of happiness we have shared and we both attribute it to being friends first. There was nothing to hide and there is some freedom in being totally”exposed”. You start from a much better base. I know you don’t want to ruin a friendship, and if it fails you’ll be right, but life is short and there is no reward without risk. Don’t keep looking for “snow” while standing in a drift. Good luck and GOD bless.

    • Wow! First of all, that is so amazing to be married that long! I am truly happy for your family 🙂 I can’t really argue with 20 years of happiness now can I? Hahaha. You do have a great point. There are times when I wonder what if, but then loose heart. Fear of loosing our friendship and even possible rejection has me stuck sometimes. But maybe when the moment is right and the time presents itself I will take my chance 🙂 You are right. Life is short. You have certainly given me something to think about. Thank you so much for reading and leaving your thoughts! I hope you will stop my blog again in the future!

  2. Pingback: H.M. | lulubellaloveslife

  3. Mom says:

    I see your issue. Well it’s not everyday you actually have the opportunity to meet a man that is “husband material”. Word to the wise. Do nothing, take it to God and let him lead you to the answer. When you put God 1st in anything you can’t go wrong.

  4. krishnapelli says:

    It’s not actually up to you whether a man enters your “friend zone.” It is his responsibility to instill desire in you (if he himself desires you), but many man have forgotten how to stimulate desire in women, and, ironically, the more worthy a man is, the more likely he is to fail in this regard (for a variety of reasons). The only thing that you can do is to make it as easy as possible for this man to express sexual desire for you in a confident and dominant way (such as by standing uncomfortably close to him, playing with your hair and affecting a submissive demeanor). Only then can he cause you to want him as a romantic partner because sexual desire (regardless of whether or when gratified) is the cornerstone of romantic love. Good luck!

    • That is such an interesting take on the situation and not one I have heard before. I agree with you and understand completely what you mean. Thank you so much for reading and leaving feedback! 🙂

      • krishnapelli says:

        You’re welcome, however, there is little you can do with the insight I offer. It is your man friend who needs this message.

        While it is theoretically possible for women in general to have strictly platonic friendships with men, it is unusual for very attractive women to have such friendships.

        What I am saying is this: regardless of how righteous your friend is, he either (1) wants very much to sleep with you; or (2) is gay.

        Mostly likely, it is the former, or he would not invest so much time with you. Unfortunately, he apparently lacks the knowledge necessary to unlock your heart. The saddest thing of all is that he very likely is unaware of how much he does not know.

        So, if he really wants you, he must invest the necessary time and effort to cure his ignorance and change his behavior. This is his sole responsibility and duty – it is something he must do on his own.

        As an aside, the church has done a disservice to young men (and women, but extension) by counseling them to wait until God delivers them a wife. Does a man wait upon God to grant him a career? Or a Phd? The last man who ever got a wife without having to do anything other than wait was Adam.

        Yes, it is fine and entirely appropriate for a young woman to wait for a man to win her, but remember also from the Book of Matthew the story of the foolish maidens who failed to prepare enough lamp oil when the bridegroom arrived.

        So, it is your friend’s duty to modify his behavior in such a way as to conquer your heart, if he wants you for his wife, but you should mentally prepare yourself, as well.

        Once again, good luck to you both.

      • Very well said. Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response! 🙂

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