Creating Zones of Intimacy


Even though I am practicing abstinence, intimacy is still a very important factor in building romantic relationships. I talked about connecting with my (future) boyfriend mentally, but the question now becomes how? How do we get to know one another? We will start our relationship because of the spark of a connection we will feel, but how do we nurture that spark so that it becomes a brilliant flame rather than burning out? I believe the most important thing to do is to create an atmosphere where we both feel comfortable enough to expose our true selves to one another. In order for me to see the real him and not the representative of what he wants me to see, he has to be comfortable enough around me to share with me what he wouldn’t usually share with others.

For those who love Sex and the City as much as I do, you probably remember the episode where Carrie was dating Alexander Petrovsky. He swept her off her feet with romantic gestures! It was everything most girls probably dream of, but it wasn’t Carrie. It was very overwhelming, and it simply made her feel uncomfortable. It was so bad she even passed out after one of their dates! Talk about a bad way to end the night. But Once she shared how she really felt with him, they went to McDonald’s and had a romantic evening eating french fries. He created a space where she could be herself, and he could still get the intimacy he longed for from their relationship. They were both in a place mentally where they were comfortable.

That is intimacy. That is what will allow a couple to open up and connect on a deeper level.

We have to enter each other’s worlds. I have to make sure he is comfortable with me and I am comfortable with him. When we go out together, we don’t have to do the typical movie and a dinner thing! If he likes to go paint balling, then we can do that. If I like to spend time at Barnes and Nobles reading (and I do), then we can do that one time. It is all about meeting each other where we’re at, mentally, and building a space where we can be open without judgement or fears. We can just be ourselves. It is so freeing when you can tell someone about the thing you try to hide from the rest of the world. In the midst of it all you two really share an intimate moment.

About Juaquina Carter

Poet | Public Speaker | Photographer For Inquires:
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2 Responses to Creating Zones of Intimacy

  1. Terrell Johnson says:

    I totally love this Kena!!! I believe intimacy is where communication and understanding meet each other in the perfect blend. I think most of us fall short in the intimacy department because we tend to focus on what we need instead of focusing on what our partners need. Most of us look at intimacy, sex, love, a partner or marriage as items on a checklist of which we acquire over time in our lives. I think we make the mistake of prioritizing each of them at the wrong times in our lives. It is imperative, especially for men, that we examine ourselves first and foremost by ask ourselves subconsciously what are our intentions for ourselves and our counterparts within a relationship. Can we honestly say that we have the intention and expectation to walk into a relationship with someone with a heart and desire to serve them by giving them the best of ourselves we possibly can spiritually psychologically, intellectually, emotionally and finically. For so long men and women alike simple focus on the question; is this person the best for me rather than asking a more eye opening question. Am I the best it gets for this person? We cannot begin the road to intimacy until we can effectively communicate our emotions and feelings while simultaneously giving our counterpart the opportunity to look inside our hopes, dreams, fears and inadequacies in order for them to truly understand who we are at the very core. This is all a constant process. Great post Kena!!!

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