“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”-1 Corinthians 13:4-7
What is your motivation for seeking love? This is a very important question to ask when seeking out a new relationship. I hear so many people talk about their strong desire for finding someone they can settle down with or question how I can find such contentment in being single. Let me explain…
In my last relationship, I fell in love. But it was a conscious process. You see, I had been single for far too long and desired to finally have someone next to me. I was tired of going through life alone. I was tired of dealing with all the burdens on my shoulders by myself. So, I fell in love…on purpose. Once it ended he admitted to never have loved me in return. I could have guessed this all along though if only I was able to see the signs. He didn’t love me. He loved the the things I would do for him. He loved the personal gifts I would give him just to see him smile. He loved the fact the he could talk to me for hours about the most trivial of things, and I would just listen patiently to everything he had to say. He loved me, because I was one of the only people in his life that pushed him to pursue his passion instead of the typical “go to college and major in something you hate” route. He loved what I did for him, and once it was over I felt so used! To know someone only kept me around to do things for them made me feel so…violated!
…but then I remembered why I fell in love with him. I just wanted him to be the support system I felt I didn’t have. I wanted him to be my superman and rescue me from a pit of lonely despair. Turns out…I was using him too.
We both were loving
But that’s not love. Love is not self-seeking. We were both looking for someone to fill voids in our lives that only God could fill. How foolish! We thought that the brokenness within us could be fixed by a mere human. We were offering hardened and broken hearts to each other when we should have been spending that time trying to seek God.
There is no blame game here. I am just as wrong as he was. I am content with being single now, because I finally looked to God and ONLY God. I asked Him to speak to every hidden place in my heart that was broken and fix it. I still have a long way to go, but I am no longer seeking a man to do what only God can. I am single and not lonely, because everything I felt I was missing I asked God for. He provides me with all the comfort I need.
So, my dear friends…..please do not take it harshly when I say: She/He will NEVER complete you. They will never heal you from your hurt. They will never permanently fill any void in your life. They simply cannot, and asking them to do the impossible is just selfish on your part. Like I said in an earlier post, love is when two WHOLE people come together and become ONE. That math doesn’t make logical sense, but then again God wouldn’t be God if he didn’t do the impossible…now would he?