Before you ask, no I don’t have anyone in particular in mind. I’m not on the brink of falling madly in love with someone. I have just been thinking…
Love takes courage. And I can’t say I have been very courageous in that area of my life. As a matter of fact, I have been very fearful to open myself up to that type of vulnerability. I have a fear of commitment in general, but that fear is magnified in terms of love. The only problem is I never knew what the source of my fear was. It started when I was very young and knew absolutely nothing about love, and I had already made up in my mind I would never marry. Of course, that has changed over the years (see I am making progress), but it just never made sense. Why was I so afraid of something I knew nothing about?
Today in church the pastor spoke about breaking the chains of fear. It was an amazing message, but what really moved me was when he talked about the source of our fears. We may not know where they came from, but we can always rest assured they did not come from God. And if they did not come from God, they must be a lie sent from the devil. So, this whole time my fears about love and commitment all derived from a lie I didn’t even remember hearing. Hm….
I know the truth. I know love is so beautiful even if I haven’t experienced the true beauty of it in terms of a romantic relationship yet. I don’t want to live my life based off of a lie. I have to open up and allow myself the opportunity to fall in love. Even if my next relationship falls through and we end up as just friends, that’s okay. It will still be beautiful, and it will still give me hope for a future with my husband.
This will be a process, but I am ready for love.