There are so many ordinary things in life. There are so many times we are persuaded to settle for something “more realistic.” I sometimes give into the temptation to settle, but there is one area in my life I refuse to settle in…Love.
Love is the very foundation upon which we were built. God’s mercy and grace is all a result of how much he loves us. Jesus is a testament to that lesson. So, why should I settle for mediocre in any area of my life when it comes to love? I don’t want ordinary friends, I don’t want basic family connections, and I most certainly do not want a common love affair. I want more.
Why should I make such high demands and have such high hopes with love when I have seen it gone awry too many times in the past. I’ve lost friendships I thought would last a lifetime, I’ve had family members betray my trust, and I have yet to see a successful marriage up close. So, why even try….?
The only explanation is the small traces of faith that survive the countless heartbreak and disappointment. Something deep within me keeps hanging on to the idea of real love when everything around me says it’s impossible for such a thing to exist. I have seen women who were happy in their relationships, and I have seen the skeletons their boyfriends hid. I watch relationships that seemed to have strong foundations crumble.
This paradox of muster seed faith and damaging experiences left me very…confused.
No light in the distance of a very long tunnel. Just open wounds and old scars that have yet to heal. Just screaming doubts telling me to give up. But….I just can’t do that. If it is one thing I cannot give up on, it is love. So, I finally took my conflicting emotions to the one being that could actually bring clarity to my damaged and weary heart. God.
I spent nights in prayer and quiet time with God. I needed something…I was not sure what that something was…but I needed something I knew only He could give me. He answered my silent prayers by showing me that I didn’t not fully trust Him in that area of my life. I always tried to manipulate my love life and decide how my own fate would turn out instead of simply trusting him. It never occurred to me that I was praying for a healing and prosperity in my love life but not actually allowing God to answer those prayers.
I had to make the decision to take my hands off and my opinion completely out of the situation in order for God to show me He does care about that aspect of my life. Wise people in my life always tell me God wants me to excel, and that does not exclude my romantic life. He wants me to experience genuine love free of insecurities, infidelities, and lies. He wants me to live out what I have always imagined and hoped love would be. But He wants me to trust Him first and foremost.
Well, I trust You God. I’m done with trying to dictate things and figure them out on my own. I have experienced the disappointment from taking things into my own hands, and I understand I cannot expect your best if I don’t trust you enough to simply sit still.
So….I’ll sit still.
Patience is a virtue I have yet to master, but I’m working on it.